1. Start with Heart
▪ Work on me first
▪ Focus on what you really want (for you, them and the relationship)
▪ Refuse the “sucker’s choice”
2. Learn to Look
▪ Look for content and conditions
▪ Look for when things get difficult
▪ Look for safety issues
▪ Look for cues of silence vs. violence
3. Make it Safe
▪ Stop the conversation
▪ Apologize when appropriate
▪ Use a contrasting statement (don’t / do)
4. Master My Stories
▪ Stick to the facts
▪ Listen for 3 clever stories (victim, villain & helpless)
▪ Tell the rest of your story
5. STATE my Path
▪ Share your facts
▪ Tell your story
▪ Ask for others’ paths
▪ Talk tentatively
▪ Encourage testing
6. Explore Others’ Paths
▪ Ask
▪ Mirror
▪ Paraphrase
▪ Agree
▪ Build
▪ Compare
7. Move to Action
▪ Decide how to decide
▪ Document who does what by when
▪ What is the plan from here?
